The Half an Identity Who's Who...

And what a colourful cast I have met!

Ms.Black

Guess who?
Try it!

Me. Lost in a world too small to hide. At first that sentence doesn't make sense Think again, and it does. We are always saying 'Isn't it a small world'. Bumping into people who happen to know someone, who knows someone else and eventually the line leads back to us. Scary thought.

Thanks to a hideous disaster in my life, I have a past which doesn't exist and an uncertain future living a double life. A new identity but I only know half of it. Time will tell, so my friends at the Witness Protection Scheme tell me.

Fact: Before I became a circus clown, I worked as a Teaching Assistant in a school.

Pup (Better known as Killer -- ahhh!)

Thought I'd introduce you to my one true, real friend. Her love is unconditional and despite her nickname, she is a real softie with passion for chocolate ice-cream, and me. Born 29th March, 2005 she is just a babe. A puppy dog, now named killer, for her total soppiness and huge, adorable brown eyes. If there was ever such thing as a soul mate, she has got to be mine. I'd do anything for her, and if I'm honest, I hope she'll do the same for me. That is, as soon as she's got past the height of my ankles. Little sweetheart!

Ms.White
The Pantomine Cow

Ms.White

The pale-faced school secretary who hates me. Don't like her much either, or her hideous black and white clothes which strengthens her sixties throwback style God knows what she thinks when she looks in the mirror, being only a few years older than me (apparently) you'd think she'd care about her appearance. Not dress up as the office, pantomine cow!

Mr.Blue

He was like something out of 'The Shining!' It used to be one of my favourites until my bathroom, in the house, by the sea became more like room 217!

Mr. Blue

Originally, my official police handlers were Doug and Jim. Two great guys who helped me walk out the courtroom and into my new identity. Somewhere along the line, Todd/The Bod, (Mr Blue) stepped in, took over my case and my shining new life, soiling it. From the day he escorted me out the Judges'exit, into an armoured car, he became more than my police handler in more ways than one. Without warning or good reason his caring peronality changed into a controlling form of emotional sadism. Protection reached futher than the line of duty called. Mr Blue clearly had a hidden agenda of his own. I couldn't wait to find out. I fled. Stupid I may be, running away from those who are supposed to help me, I have left the so called security of the witness protection scheme to stand on my own two feet. Cutting off all contact except for one thing. An alarm which hangs round my neck disguised as a simple knecklace. If I need to press it, the police will come to my rescue. If that means Mr. Blue, then so be it. If my life is in that much danger, it's a risk I'm willing to take.

Mr.Green


The day he offered me hair gel handmade by the nomads of the Peruvium Islands and a large tub of red glitter from Tesco's (Okay, his other green sources were all sold out. Being Red Nose Day, it wasn't his fault) I knew I had met the original re-cycling, eco warrior. Saving the world from destruction and decadence, superman in his own right, he also managed his time so he could play his other role as Head Teacher at the school I once worked. I have fond memories of Mr. Green. He has changed my life forever.
All that I will say that there is not one shop I'd look at which didn't produce some sort of goods which endangered the universe in some way or other. He's probably right, but I don't have the patience to check where and how everything is made, even though I know I owe it to him (and the world) to at least try. If my deductions are correct Mr. Green also leads a double life. At work his eco doctrinal habits do not get in the way of his teaching role. He appears pretty tough involving a classroom of hooligans in an hourly session of literature, without problems. I suspect at home, he is a different character completely. You only have to look at the state of his moth-eaten jacket to see he cannot be looked after by a member of the female variety. I never visited his house but I imagine it looks something like those 'How clean is your house?' programmes. Before those annoying women clean up.

He can't look after himself too badly, not if the size of his stomach is anything to go by!

Tank

A mixed up school bully who really only wants to be liked. His antisocial life is one big hormone~pumping vicious circle. Making friends is not easy for Tank. So in a strange effort to get some form of attention he acts all tough and unreachable.

One thing I’ll always remember Tank for, is his ability to make me laugh. He once asked me this:

“Ms. Black?”

“Yes?”

“Which hand do you wipe your bum with?”

“What sort of question is that?”

“Please,” he begged, “I need to know.”

(Thinking he had a problem, or at the very least a valuable reason for asking, I thought I’d humour him. Perhaps he really does need some guidance or something…)

“Well, that would be my right hand, as I’m right handed.” I responded, trying to sound on his wavelength and professional at the same time.

“Ooh Miss!” he said, with a cheeky grin. “That’s disgusting! I use toilet paper!”

Need I say anymore?


Mr.Blonde


One half of the Chippendale interactive white board installing men from Australia. His long locks were very distracting, for him, he couldn't take his eyes of them! He shouldn't be allowed near any mirrors! He's a head~flicking, lying maniac and if I ever see him again it will be too soon!

All in all, Mr. Blonde is a strange character who annoyed the hell out of me. The strange thing is, I only went out with him once and left my 'new life' straight after. We hardly had time to get to know each other, yet he left text messages on my phone, displaying concerns and worries about me that I never knew he was capable of. Is he lulling me into a false sense of security? Should I be worried? (Stranger danger and all that) Or is he just so thick skinned he's really a rhinoceros in disguise? I wish I could work him out.

Mr.Brown


The other 'brown haired' half of the Chippendale interactive white board installing men. Also from Australia. I didn't really speak to him much, (infact, he hardly said a word). Just hung around looking like a cool sidekick of Mr.Blonde. One thing I noticed - he never took his shades off, even indoors!

Mr. Yellow (teeth)


When I first went into hiding, the newspaper stand owner, a duffle coated old man, with luminous yellow teeth, was occassionaly spotted away from his usual spot in the street. He was polite enough, but general appearances can be deceiving. Reminding me of a mass murderer with a habit for turning up where I least expected , I am fully aware he is another creepy person, I should be keeping a great distance from.

Mr. Red

The Circus computer Nerd...I mean buff. My laptop security received a complete overhaul thanks to him, so I shouldn't be so rude, really.

Mr. Checkered. (Pappa)


On account of his checkered clown jacket, I officially name Pappa, Fat Freddy, Ring Master and Circus proprietor. Married to Momma, as she is respectfully known throughout my new circus family. In a way, Pappa, as I prefer to call him, gave me the second best opportunity to start another life, since running away from Mr. Blue's restricting care. He knows I am running too, but is kind enough to give me a chance, as long as I prove myself to be a useful, keen and untroublesome member of his gang. The irony being, if things go wrong, I could cause him more trouble than the whole of the circus business put together. Even if they were drunk, disorderly and walking down the street naked. I don't believe in God, but if I did, I'd pray the danger I run from, will never catch up on me while I'm with them. I know he is slightly suspisious of me, nevertheless, he has given me a home, with friends who do not question where I have come from or why I am with them in the first place. To be brutally honest, as he said himself, I'm not the only one with something to hide.

Mrs. Checkered (Momma)

Married to Pappa and also 'Blossom' one of the Seven Clowns. Also does a double~act with Violet The Flying Woman on the Trapeze. Is there nothing she can't do?


Violet the Flying Woman Trapeze Artist

My new best friend, Volant Violet, who I share a trailer with. Her act is a real eye-opener. Swinging precariously from a great height she is capable of flinging herself off, with a triple flip, before landing safely in the hands of Momma. She also performs the chair balancing act.

Mr. Silver(s)

Mr. Silver our 'in house' lawyer. A smooth~talking guy with a intelligent head on his shoulders. Never lost a case yet. He obviously hasn't travelled from Heathrow.


Janine The Police Receptionist


A friend with no colourful nickname. She doesn't need one. In the short time I knew her, she brought her own ray of sunshine into my life. I respect her for being such a great friend. I never did write enough about her, so here it is:

Throughout my early days of checking in with the local police station, when I lived in a house by the sea (and room 444 was my second home) Janine became an upstanding friend of law and order. If I could call her to talk, ask for help, without being recorded, I would indeed like to know how she is now. One of the few 'friends' I made who I trust, but as she works with Mr. Blue, this is a chance I am not willing to take. A pity, because I know she must be wondering how I am too.


The Seven Clowns


1. Shady (Chatting is not his strong point!)
2. Spotty (Can't buy enough cleanser)
3. Blossom (Momma)
4. Biscuit (Bad facial eczema)
5. Co-coa (Speaks for himself)
6. Cocky ~ Cochinelle (Speaks too much!)
7. Clumsy (The name says it all)


Rubber Rufus

With his strange front bending body (a contortionist's dream)can tie his top half in a knot whilst standing on one leg!! His best kept secret ~ used to call himself 'Rubber Johny'.

Flexible Felix

Who can fit into the smallest see-through cube I have ever seen! No, this is not normal, he is also a contortionist.


The South African Hat Juggling Pride

1. Simba (Leader of the pack)
2. Nala (Simba's girlfriend)
3. Shenzi
4. Zazu
5. Pumbaa (Brother of Timon)
6. Timon (Brother of Pumbaa)

*Now, just in case you think you’ve stepped into the magical Lion King world, let me tell you, you are not going crazy. As Shumba, is a real South African name, and I have to be choosy how I describe people, those cogs in my brain started me thinking. Shumba ~~ Simba ~~ Catch my drift? No? Well, let me explain even further.

The name Shumba in South Africa means Lion.

Simba, (Lion) Nala, (Lioness) Shenzi, (Hyena) Zazu (Hornbill) Pumbaa, (Warthog) and Timon (Meercat). So now there will be absolutely no confusion!


The Blind Barracuda


He’s not really blind, just blindfolded. He only works with the finest Combat Steel Double Broadswords. Not an easy feat to accomplish. I wish you could see them, they’re a curved shape. Not the sort of knives I would expect to soar through the air in a straight line, and they don’t. They spin as if they are out of control! It’s the cutting edge of nail biting terror!

Doris the Living Dummy! (MARK II)

The second Dummy on a short~term contract. Has a dangerous role in the Knife Throwing Act. After what happened to the original Dummy, (and also make-up artist) I'm surprised she's taken this job on.

A very nervous character, who must learn to say 'No' more.


Chinese Lion Dancers

Two people, who dress up as the chinese lion. Kung (is the head) and Fu (is the lion's arse!)They dance around performing strategic Kung fu and acrobatic moves, whilst the rest of the group make their own music with gongs, cymbals and lion dance drums. Very entertaining. These guys (and dolls) are very atheletic!


Mongolian Maverick


Let's call him Mong, as I can't pronounce his name! (He'll never know!) Performing a plate spinning spectacle, Mong is indeed a Maverick. Not just with plates either! If it's not nailed down, he's practicing with it. He also Balances Chairs on the High Wire like they were

The Bucharest Fire Jugglers:


1.?
2.?
3.?


The Bucharest Trio, (and they are triplets) who, look so identical I cannot tell them apart. I can’t ask them who is who, as they don’t speak a word of English! Hobbies include throwing torches to each other. Huge firey flamed ones!


Merlin the Magician


Magical mayhem! A retired magician, with a handle bar moustache, who never performs on stage. Occasionally, when the circus is open and the moon is right, he opens a small booth to give Tarot readings.

The Bicycles Bikers

A beer~drinking, biker gang with a difference. Their act includes a six-foot unicycle and a 'real' weighty Motorbike, both daringly manoeuvred across the Hire Wire! I still don’t understand how the wire takes the strain. The bikers are not exactly thin. There's:

1. Mad Max
2. The Toecutter
3. (Jim) Goose
4. Nightrider
5. Johhny the Boy

They are also hired in pairs as bouncers, should the need arise.

Doug

One of my original Police Handlers.

Jim

My other original police handler.




Tina
Cyber~Friend

Tina

A Cyber~Friend, who sticks by me through thick and thin. Sniff's cakes for a hobby and would like to re-introduce the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang 'Childcatcher' onto every street corner. Not to be confused with 'Toxic Tina'.

Herge

A Cyber~Chimp, with an angry disposition and a passion for celebrity euthanasia. Like all chimps he has bollocks!

Dutch

My 'out~house' Cyber~Security Man! (I already have an 'in~house' version, called Red). Dutch, can answer all those technical details I cannot talk to Red about.

Dream Doctor Rowan

Have to ask Rowan if this is ok, before I say anymore...And perhaps a picture...

The Au Pair?

Is this what the Au Pair looks like now?

Don't try this!Her story is confusing. While she made my life a misery and enjoyed scaring the shit out of me as a child, she was present at the time of the pointless slaughter of my parents. Saying that, she never left my sight, quite possibly saving my life in the process. With this in mind, then why did she run when the police wanted to question her? Is she more involved than at first it would seem? The police think so, but as she hasn't been seen since, I'll never know the answer to that one.


Chantay -- (Porn Star Patti)

I don't even think she deserves a place in my blog, but then, she is an integral part of my life, even if she's a man-eating, whore from hell! Hmm! That just made me feel much better! So, Porn Star Patti, is how I prefer her to be known, even though Chantay is actually her real name (and using real names is normally against my policy.) But hey, who cares if my stalker gets to her first? Not me! Serve her right, for chasing my man, RED. If ever the Evil Eye is watching, you can be damn sure it's one of hers.


Pirate Pete

Ooh! Now here is something to talk about. The rugged, outdoor type; tanned rippling muscles, a cheeky 'Pirate's' husky laugh and a thigh-slapping, show-stopping entertainer, both on and off stage. If the saying 'a body to die for' wasn't tempting fate, that would be my overall expression, when asked to sum up fit, gorgeous Pirate Pete! The man who makes girls coo, and jealous men boo! Howz that for a catch phrase?


By the way, I was so wrapped up in the randy, ravishing, rum swigging rascal, I forgot to mention just what he is doing here, at the circus. He put on such a dazzling performance, whilst trying to get my 'official' clown job, Momma and Papa both agreed to take him on as my clown 'Extra' replacement. Even though, they were not originally looking to replace my job. How cool is that? It also means, that as he is learning to do my old job, I am the lucky so-and-so who gets to show him the ropes. Lucky, Lucky, Lucky me! If it wasn't for the small matter of a couple of stalkers, my life would be perfect. I've always enjoyed working at the circus, but now I have an even better reason to get up at the crack of dawn and get to work! And I'm not just talking about my mortal combat lessons either.